From the East Ward, Concerning a Gremlin Funeral

I attended a Gremlin funeral today, though I am informed that several Gremlins present would object to that terminology. The deceased was a machinist named Kell Varr, whom I knew only slightly. He had spent nearly forty years in the same Human-owned workshop and had, by all accounts, become attached to the family who operated it. He left no biological kin that anyone could identify and apparently had no interest in locating any, which caused some difficulty for the municipal clerk responsible for recording the death.

The clerk asked who the next of kin was, and the workshop owner’s eldest daughter said, “We are.” Asked whether they were related by blood, she said no. Asked whether there was a legally recognised Gremlin familial relationship, the daughter replied, “He taught me to read.” This did not satisfy the form. Eventually the matter was resolved by entering “household associate” in the relevant field, which was technically accurate and also one of the colder phrases I have encountered in administrative language.

The gathering itself was brief, since Gremlins do not, as a rule, possess strong traditions of ancestral veneration. Several of Kell’s friends brought tools he had repaired for them and placed them on a bench beside his ashes. One Human man brought a broken watch and apologised for not having had time to ask Kell to fix it. A Gremlin woman standing nearby took the watch, opened the case, and repaired it in approximately three minutes. She handed it back and said, “He would have hated leaving that unfinished.” This produced laughter, and I think Kell would have approved.