A Gremlin in an Elven Household

During a stay in Belleren I lodged for several days with an Elven family who employed a Gremlin cook named Viss. The arrangement fascinated me because traditional Elven food customs and Gremlin appetite are, in theory, poorly matched. In practice they had reached a compromise which appeared incomprehensible to outsiders and perfectly ordinary to themselves.

The Elves objected strongly to waste. Viss objected strongly to food remaining unused, and the result was harmony. He ate trimmings, leftovers, overripe fruit, damaged loaves, failed preserves, and anything else which the household considered unsuitable for serving but unacceptable to discard. In return, the family tolerated his habit of tasting almost everything during preparation.

At breakfast I watched the eldest Elf remove a spoon from Viss’s hand without looking at him.

“You have had three.”

“I was checking consistency.”

“You checked it yesterday.”

“It may have changed.”

“It has been six hours.”

“Exactly.”

She took the bowl away. Viss did not appear offended, and merely stole a piece of bread from another plate, which nobody reacted to. There are households in which affection is expressed by embraces, and others in which everyone has simply learned which thefts are permitted.